Saturday, March 17, 2012

Lent .Again

Or at least I found some in the umbilicus.
Fish! (Individually Quick Frozen) stuff is great. Many restaurants call it "fresh", ad it is for all intents and purposes. Thaw it on the counter, or under a gentle fall of tepid water. Not hot water, that will poach the fish while your back is turned. Got kids? Remember how you checked the temp of the you have to chose, and keep it flowingbaby's bottle? Like that. Go colder rather than warmer.
All kinds of fish can be had nowadays, there in the frozen aisle, and they're a lot bette than what I grew up with

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Pasta Puttanesca

Um, yeah, it's the same word as "puta" in Spanish. Easy one pot thing (not counting the pasta) and covers anything you may already have on your breath. The classic version says sautee some chopped Kalamata olives in butter, add garlic and anchovies, then add the pasta to heat it through, then finish with a handful of Parmasan.

Well danm me but I was fresh out of olives and anchovies. (I eat the olives nekkid, with that potato omel from last week, and usually have anchovy paste on hand for, well, I really can't remember.)

So, butter melts, add a big handful of cooked chopped bacon (we talked about it earlier), big dollop of garlic (seriously, I now resent the time I wasted chopping garlic. Now I just get it in a big squeeze bottle like ketchup. It's cheaper and easier.) Add a couple handfuls of cooked pasta - I'd done up rotini, but anything works. When the pasta starts to sizzle, dump in a bunch of Parm, toss a couple times, shove it into a bowl and eat. Actually, the bowl part is optional, but if you retain any dreams of a love life I suggest you not eat from the skillet.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Follow up

Undergarments, particularly of the garter and or suspender type must always be purchased at leqat one size small. That is flattering to the recipient, and entertaining to the boyfriend who gives her a ride oo the mall to get them replaced by the "right size". This observation should be carried out from a safe distnce, using binoculars, and, if possible. parabolic microphones, and permitting a clear line of escape.

I did say from a safe distance. didn't I?

You get what you pay for

That's kind of a stream on my spleenventing site , but sometimes teh cheapness works. Went to Easter Sunday Mass with the Boiz, wearing my favorite seersucker suit. Cost me $3.00 at the resale, along with the twn Tony Lama boots, (also about $3.00, same resale). Had at least a dozen women sak me about the suit, and 4 or 5 guys ask me where I had it made.

Me, I'm lucky. I can buy off the rack pretty much. (Note to self: Stop buying Ice Cream "cause the boiz may drop by and need some"), provided the rack is big enough. I take a 48 reg, with the trousers taken in. I'm just a bit skinnier than the late husbands of the widows who empty the closets on the demise of their dear husbands (sniff). Thank God for portly dead guys, sez me.

Here's something you probsbly didn't know. All those male models, with the buff bods and the oiled 6packs? 38 regular. They're serious bodycon midgets. Look at them! They're always shorter than the female models. The chick models are cast for height adn depth of cleavage. Women's sizes make no sense at all - your darling dumpling Aunt may wear the same size as one of hte runway Amazons, but for some reason it doesn't look the same on her.

But for guys it's the 38 regular (not even a .38 special) that gets he jobs. It may explain some (but not all) of the cocaine use. It's just to delay any growth spurts.

btw, guys. Know your girl's sizes. And wander through the chick sections of the resale shops. Feel free to grab women and ask their opinions. Find one of the same relative dimensions of your desiderata, and ask if it might fit. Seriously.

Most women are flattered by the attention ("hmm, looks kinda like me...and will become WILLING CO-CONSPIRITORS. You know what they're thinking? It's not "this guy's a perv". They're thinking "Oh sweet Jesus if only MY boyfriend cared this much".

This technique also works when buying clothes for one's self ,but the perversity of the double ex folks may rise to the top. Ask at lest 2 women if that plaid sports coat makes you look stupid."

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Serious Guy Style

This an omel. Not an omlette.

Sautee a bunch of onions and peppers (they come in bags, right?). Add a couple of potatoes. do it all in a mess of bacon fat. Add some of that bacon. When it's all nice and cooked, add the eggs. Mine has ten eggs, with a buttload of cheddar and parm, 'cause those are the ones I had on hand.

Here's the fun part. Sweep the top with a propane torch. got to congeal that top surface of the egg mixture..

Wow! That inch-thick layer of stuff is now like, dude, three, four inches thick! Yeah, that's the point. You can finish it in the oven at a high heat, or just turn it. I flip the motherfucker like the dudes on the Cooking Channel, but I'm older than you and I've had years of experience. My SIL (who comes from a French restaurant family, in France) prefers to put a plate on top of the skillet, invert the whole assembly, and then slide the less-cooked side down in the skillet. Works for me, too.

The great thing about this is that the only ingredient that you really have to keep is the eggs. Tomatoes? Groovey. Peas and carrots? No problem. Spam, spam, spam. baked beans and spam? Do It!

The other great factor is that it doesn't have to be hot and fresh. A slice of cold omlette is a wonderful lunch. A nice wedge of cold potato omlette, with a handful of good Kalamata olives, a decent bolillo, and a bit of cheese is a standard lunch throughout the OliveOil belt. Your boss might get pissed if you insist on the bottle of red wine that usually accompanies this lunch, but the sonofabitch probably would have issues with the mandated siesta, too. Nyikulturniey. Ketchup is allowed. Sriracha is encouraged.

Break it down: really, what's the point? When I worked in cubicle land, I was constantly being invited to head out to lunch. Doods refused to believe that I brought my own lunch. They all thought I had some special deal with a catering company. Until I catered a lunch for 20 using only the heating element of the coffee machine, the microwave, and the contents from my truck's tool box. And I kept and displayed the receipts. Charged 'em each a buck in front, and then gave change. Ha!

Now, cooking on the job,. that's a different post.